Beth Gordon
Question #1:
Have you experienced changes in your sleeping patterns?
I’m back on my bullshit again: watching murder television as a form of salvation. Cataloguing subgenres of violence & crime. Weaving my own small tragedy with strands of carpet fiber: stray eyelashes: observable traces of skin & blood beneath the victim’s fingernails. Saliva is always involved. A faint smell of bleach. Unanswered phone calls. Concerned co-workers. Frantic mothers. Indifferent & incompetent sheriffs who never seem to learn that missing certainly means dead. The narrator’s voice is the cure to my insomnia. Turns out I’m not alone. Turns out that I no longer idolize the rippling of death: the river: the skyscraper: the open oven door: the razor’s edge: the messy exit in the form of tequila & Ambien. Turns out I no longer believe in the future. Turns out I can no longer fathom the past. I’m only awake in this moment: trying to convince my pillow to conform to the shape of my dread: dear God, help me: I just want to sleep through the night.
Memory of Sadness
I say that I remember watching the first moon landing. Cross-legged on utilitarian carpet. Inches from our neighbor’s console color television. Which sounds magnificent but was entirely inadequate to contain the hissing transmission of outer space. Also, the broadcast was in black & white. I never learned what colors swirl on that impossible terrain: 56 years later I still don’t know. I say that I remember we had been swimming that day. That my mother made us wait 30 minutes after eating charred hot dogs & soggy potato chips. She was/is a stickler for the rules and a child had drowned somewhere because of muscle cramps: overeating in the heat: a negligent babysitter who let him dive right in. Girls were required to wear swimming caps in 1969: a rule that would soon prove ridiculous in the face of long-haired men & short-haired women: the rising popularity of untamed androgyny. I say that I remember grainy astronauts on the screen & maybe it’s true. Not all memories are re- cycled versions of someone else’s stories. Some take root: wrap their tentacles around your heart.
Beth Gordon is a poet, mother and grandmother living in Asheville, NC. She is the author of several chapbooks including The Water Cycle (Variant Literature), How to Keep Things Alive (Split Rock Press), Crone (Louisiana Literature), and The First Day (Belle Point Press). Her second full-length collection, Alchemy of Nests, is forthcoming from Acre Books in 2027. Beth is Managing Editor of Feral: A Journal of Poetry and Art, Assistant Editor of Animal Heart Press, and Grandma of Femme Salve Books. Instagram, Threads and BlueSky @bethgordonpoet.
